Heartless

When I say “my little world’, you will not have any idea, how small it is….. I shouldn’t have used the word world, because it is so tiny just like me. Walking was my last interest out of my daily activities. I have a small stretch to walk and it probably would be the only stretch I’m walking forever on a road. It was not an interesting pathway. All along, there stood the lifeless houses… I wouldn’t say homes, because I never heard laughter. May be there were humans, but I never noticed because I never saw them living. To me they existed..... But I had few friends, waiting to see my glimpses. They knew me as much as I knew them. We had one thing in common… that was love and understanding.

When I open the shut gates to start my routine walk, they wait for me….as if I will never be able to find my other corner without them…. One would come along with me and the other go bit fast to clear my way. She knows how small steps I make to go forward, so she waits half way turning back until I reach her. I used to talk to the fellow walker. She understood all my words. She never came closer to me. She knew that all I loved was never closer to me. I never touched them or cuddled them. I couldn’t do it. Both of them were like the road I walked, full of dust. They didn’t expect anything in return for escorting me. But enjoyed the lavish creamy bowl of milk I used to give. I never made it a must. My two homeless friends understood my love for them and our relationship was in perfect harmony. It was beyond conditions, beyond just love for dogs.

This practice became a ritual and then a habit. And I enjoyed it very much. This particular evening I took my usual turn. They are there for me. I didn’t see any difference on that day. For a long time I didn’t see any change in the days that come and go.. I didn’t feel the difference of night and day. My life didn’t move it was still just like my mind. I was physically moving with my walking aids, but I was extra slow…. My two companions were ready as usual. One in front suddenly made a stop and brought my attention to thing has fallen far corner of the road. I didn’t pay serious attention kept on moving, but my friends didn’t move an inch. They were looking at me and the fallen thing on the road. They pleaded me to come. I couldn’t refuse. So I moved that way. Closer I reached towards the object I knew it was something red and it had life.

I was curious…. The blood was coming out of it. I knew what it was since I have done science. It was a heart. A pounding heart, yet bleeding… I was in doldrums … then I realized I was not breathing. I felt real empty just like the day I found myself left alone. I saw my own heart trying hard to breathe. It was never easy. I want it to be lifeless as soon as it can be… I knew I cannot fix it back. I left my own heart to die and I moved forward.
There after my two friends didn’t recognize me and never accompanied …. They knew I was heartless….

 Writer Himashi DE Silva